Maybe one day I can matter to someone, and mean something. Not see myself as such a waste and make all this worthless effort called living not completely pointless. Maybe I can actually be someone and mean something. Just maybe.
How do I get a second chance at life
Erase the so called friendships
Eliminate my regrets
Be forgiven for my wrongs
And forget everyday I spent waiting for someone to care enough to call to make sure I haven’t ended my life yet???
It’s sad how I can be happier with a cigarette, a knife and only myself than I could ever be with a single human being (if I knew one that actually gave a fuck about my existence and that cared enough to stay)
I’m just coasting through life hoping someone will find a reason to care. I see all these pretty girls screaming out another chance, but i couldn’t do that to anyone. I couldn’t make anyone attached to me cause they will only end up broken a scarred, tortured forever. I’m afraid just to talk to people now, wondering how they will judge me and how just my appearance will change them. No one should have to see what I’m doing to myself and the possibility of them knowing the true reasons is simply non-existent. Ill be honest; I cut just to feel something other then emptiness and anger, I smoke to try and easy my thoughts, I’m afraid to sleep simply because my demons are in my dreams, and I just want to die. No matter how much I have, money love or possessions, I just want to die. I hate who I am. I hate all that I am and everything I’ve ever done. It would be easier if I just didn’t exist and if I didn’t, who the fuck would even notice.